Say Hello to the iWantYourMoneyPhone

Welcome another source of wasting your precious life staring away at a small screen.
So, talking on your cellphone while driving wasn't distracting enough? Searching the internet too? That Blackberry just too boring and too cheap for that rush hour commute?
Need something thats almost the same, except pricier?
Enter the iPhone, the newest in the generation of gadgets designed to waste your time.
Not only can you talk to people, and surf the web, and receive e-mail, you can also:
Watch videos in widescreen!
Call people by tapping their entry in the address book!
Surf the internet with sites such as Google, Yahoo, and other popular search sites!
Transfer your bookmarks onto your iPhone!
Download iTunes!

Plans start at $59.99 for 450 minutes! Why so little? Because, goshdarnit! you'll be too busy surfing the internet, chatting on sites, listening to your iTunes, and sending e-mail with the touch screen keyboard to talk! Besides, everyone knows that we're all going to be wired to computers soon anyways (thankfully there's a cure for that).

So, here's the rundown:

Pay $499 (4GB) or $599 (8GB) for your brand-spanking-new iPhone.
Pay $60-70-100 (plus tax) a month for 450-900-1350 minutes (respectively) and 200 SMS, and 5000-Unlimited Nights and Weekends.
Sell your iPod, iPod Nano, iPod Shuffle (oh, I know you have all of those, you Apple-lover you) to help pay for the bills.
Spend the rest of your life doing nothing but staring at a small screen all day, ignoring the people around you unless they send you an e-mail, and eventually live out of your bedroom, buying groceries over Peapod and selling yourself to your neighbors to keep your connection going on your iPhone because OHNOES your life will end if your iPhone dies.

AND NOW!!!
SUPER BONUS!!!
RECIPE FOR iPHONE!!!

1. Take iPod Video, Cell Phone, Laptop Computer, Blackberry.
2. Put in Blender on High for 15 minutes.
3. ????
4. PROFIT!!

"Gay Marriage" and "Equal Marriage" = Not Quite The Same

There seems to be a huge influx of people signing "Equal Marriage Rights" petitions. A lot of the people I see signing them are straights aka "Heteros" who think that just because they sign a petition supporting Gays, Lesbians, Transsexuals, and Bis (hereto known as the GLTB), that they somehow have gained 'cool points' in the non-hetero society.

Lets get something straight. By signing an Equal Marriage Rights for GLTB's petition, you are signing a document stating that you do not believe that GLBT have equal marriage rights.
Equal, meaning "the same as" here.
You are, basically, saying that although Heteros/Straights have the right to marry someone, GLTB's don't.
Which isn't exactly... hm, true? Yes.
GLTB's have the SAME. EXACT. EQUAL. Marriage rights. Shocking?
No.
They have the same and equal right as heterosexual people: they have the right to marry a person of the opposite gender.
Therefore, a quest for 'equal marriage rights' for homosexuals isn't quite... true to the purpose. In order to allow the GLTB crowd to marry people of the same gender and make it EQUAL RIGHTS, the law would also have to allow heterosexual people to marry people of the same gender.
That would make it equal.

So, since the entire petition is practically made null with the improper usage of the word "equal", and because looking at it from both a legal and political standpoint clearly shows that the petition has no foundation nor base, there is little doubt in my mind that petitions that call for 'equal' marriage rights but fail to confront the fact that to make something like that legal they'd have to fight for everyone, no matter what sexual orientation, to be able to marry people of the same gender are doomed to fail.